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Phd student kastalu in Land Of Dreams


andhra_jp

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Last week I lost all that I owned in the “Land of Dreams” they say. Anything and everything I had owned tangible and intagible - my childhood memories, my husband’s childhood photos and his love notes, precious gifts from family, our clothing, jewelry, shoes, makeup, electronics, home goods and list keeps on going with lakhs of money spent on them!! No, it was not a house burglary, funny as it may it sound - our Car was stolen while we were moving from my house to my husband’s for a temporary basis for health reasons!

According to the police, someone who had forged a key to Honda Cars stole multiple CRVs over the last couple weeks. My mother innocently asked why did the police not post that on the news so people could be aware - well, Mumma it’s not a real emergency if Cars are stolen even in the Land of Dreams!! At first it did not even hit us and we joked about it until we realized it’s all real. While it may seem like a luxury statement to many as there are lakhs and lakhs of poor people that I am not comparing myself to - it did seem like my whole individuality was stripped off naked with nothing left to wear and I felt completely empty handed with all my dreams being shattered!!

While we did not share the news with everyone we know individually - a lot of family and friends reached out after getting to know from social media or other contacts saying, atleast you are safe and sound so focus on that - we will help you. Some did not even send consoling support message to check in! And while some said it’s a great loss, some said you’ll be fine - there are worse things that can happen and there were many who said both.. As an immigrant PhD student, the amount of funding we receive does not even cover the cost of living properly. With this we have to do research, produce papers, take courses, give exams, socialise for work and then prepare ourselves to struggle finding a job that can sponsor a Visa.

Then, we ought to become our own servants to do all the chores we never had to do in our home country - ofcourse because of cheap labor, still talking luxuriously may be so pardon me! I don’t even want to get started about the medical system- how first you cannot even get an appointment to see a doctor in months and then when you do it costs like hundreds of dollars for consultation even after paying thousands in insurance. With all this, where does life even begin for personal experiences outside of work - ofcourse it begins with all mental health issues, purely individual and beautiful experiences!!

But it’s no secret that you have to struggle to get your Dreams accomplished on the Land of Dreams..Alas, I did not know that this struggle involved losing everything I struggled to make till now - leaving friends, family, my loved life back home to make something from the scratch in a forgein country!! And after building a home here, I became a nomad again questioning my individuality and my worth - not that PhD does not make you question it every other day! They say you came empty handed and will go empty handed one day - but I did not know there would be emptiness in the middle of this journey so much too!!

Since last one year, my family and friends have found it hard to understand how my struggle works so I find it hard to reach out to share what I feel on many days in the fear of being judged!! So today I felt like sharing my struggling feelings on a platform that I don’t expect to understand or not understand in the hope that someday when I come back to this, I might feel this struggle was worth it - it’s a fair game!! Till then, playing this game to survive, shouting out love for all immigrants, especially PhD students who are building life in a foreign land..
    

 

 

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10 hours ago, andhra_jp said:

Seen this post in SOS FB Forum

 

 

A PhD is never a gateway to success, unless you have papers that fetch you patents or path breaking finding. It's a a glorified academic slavery for most of the time where you're paid peanuts for putting in 10-12 hours a day. Anyways it's a wilfull contract. Why cry about servants and maids back home? Need to write it as a loss and move on.

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entanta veedi gola.. bongulodi PHD cheyyalanta locals ee moosukoni untaru.. Pasialu unnappudu chestaru leka pothe sponsorship to chestaru. OO ani AIR bus ekki vachi inkodi thesis ni copy paste chesi PHD thechukundam ani anukkunnademo.. 

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Just now, andhra_jp said:

Then, we ought to become our own servants to do all the chores we never had to do in our home country - ofcourse because of cheap labor, still talking luxuriously may be so pardon me!

better go back if  you cannot do your own chores. 

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