Bloopers In The Church

[GUNTUR2US]

[b] [size=1][left]The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.[/left][/size][/b]


[color=#000000]Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. [/color]

[color=#000000]The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church. [/color]

[color=#000000]Evening massage - 6 p.m. [/color]

[color=#000000]The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning. [/color]

[color=#000000]The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession. [/color]

[color=#000000]Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door. [/color]

[color=#000000]Ushers will eat latecomers. [/color]

[color=#000000]The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment. [/color]

[color=#000000]For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. [/color]

[color=#000000]The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience. [/color]

[color=#000000]The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy." [/color]

[color=#000000]During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit. [/color]

[color=#000000]Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience." [/color]

[color=#000000]Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice. [/color]

[color=#000000]Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All" [/color]

[color=#000000]The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth. [/color]

[color=#000000]Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. [/color]

[color=#000000]The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. [/color]

[color=#000000]The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her. [/color]

[color=#000000]Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why. [/color]

[color=#000000]A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday. [/color]

[color=#000000]Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir. [/color]

[color=#000000]Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett[/color]
[color=#000000]Hymn 47: "Hark! An awful voice is sounding" [/color]

[color=#000000]On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better. [/color]

[color=#000000]Potluck supper: Prayer and medication to follow. [/color]

[color=#000000]Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help. [/color]

[color=#000000]The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11. [/color]

[color=#000000]Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary. [/color]

[vuvuzela]

[GUNTUR2US]

Thank you