Random Jokes/one-Liners..

[summer27]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Why? Are my eyes bulging?"[/font][/color]

[summer27]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.[/font][/color]

[summer27]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Two woman were talking about the new hunk in the neighborhood.[/font][/color]
[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"But he acts so stupid," said one to the other. "I think he must have his brains between his legs." [/font][/color]
[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Yeah," her friend sighed, "but I'd sure love to blow his mind."[/font][/color]

[summer27]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]It is well known...[/font][/color]
[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Man stands up to get knocked down, woman lays down to get knocked up.[/font][/color]

[summer27]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? [/font][/color]
[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.[/font][/color]

[summer27]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" [/font][/color]
[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]She simply replied, "No peer pressure."[/font][/color]

[summer27]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" [/font][/color]
[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The woman says, "I'll miss you."[/font][/color]

[summer27]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,[/font][/color]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."[/font][/color]

[summer27]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]An old man was laying on his death bed. With only hours to live, he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen. With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen.[/font][/color]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last ounce of energy, the old man reached for a cookie. His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, "Leave them alone, they're for the funeral!"[/font][/color]

[summer27]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I am a common object enjoyed by both sexes, normally about 8 inches long, with little hairs on one end, and a hole on the other. For most of the day I am laying down, but I am ready for instant action. When in use, I move back and forth and in 'n' out a warm, moist hole. When the work is finally done, a white, slushy, sticky mush is left behind, and I return to my original position. Cleaning is usually done after I am. [/font][/color][color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]What am I? Why, I am your very own...Toothbrush! What were you thinking, you pervert?[/font][/color]

[summer27]

[color=#000000][size=4]Don`t drink water, because fish f*ck in it! [/size][/color]

[summer27]

[size=4]What are 3 words you never wanna hear from your spouse while making love?

Honey, Im home! [/size]

[summer27]

[left]An Arab interview at the US Checkpoint.[/left]
[left]Officer: Your name please?[/left]
[left]Arab Guy: Abdul Aziz[/left]
[left]Officer: Sex? Arab[/left]
[left]Guy: Six times a week.[/left]
[left]Officer: I mean male or female?[/left]
[left]Arab Guy: Doesn't matter, sometimes even camel.[/left]

[summer27]

[size=4][font=arial,helvetica,sans-serif][color=#000000][left]Dracula asks God "May I reincarnate into a white angel with wings and still suck blood?"[/left]
[left]God said "OK, I'll turn you into a KOTEX!"[/left][/color][/font][/size]

[summer27]

[left]Farmer ordered a MILKING MACHINE. Tried it on his penis and had a wonderful orgasm, but can't remove it. So, he reads the manual and faints. It says "AUTO RELEASE AFTER 2 LITRES"[/left]