Random Jokes/one-Liners..

[chummaaaa]

[b] What's the geographical definition of sex. . . ?
It's an action done by
Pol-land
into
Hol-land
between
Thai-land,
Occasionally
with a little help
from
Greece. . . ;[/b]

[chummaaaa]

[b] A priest saw a girl removing her blouse. The priest prayed: God, please close my eyes. When he opened his eyes, the girl was naked This time he prayed God please close your eyes.[/b]

[summer27]

Boss: Johnson, we giving you a promotion but you have to move to
Montreal.
Johnson: Montreal! "Nothing comes from there except hookers and hockey
players!"
Boss: Listen pal, my wife comes from there!
Johnson, without missing a beat replies, "No kidding! What position
does she play?"

[summer27]

God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

[summer27]

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

[summer27]

It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.

[summer27]

Yesterday's news : An aunty was raped while jogging.
Today's news: More aunties found jogging.

[summer27]

Written on the T-Shirt of a girl:
SITUATORY WARNING: Objects inside the T-Shirt are larger than they appear from outside.

[summer27]

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

[summer27]

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

[summer27]

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

[summer27]

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh…. I was gett’in laid!

[summer27]

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

[summer27]

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.

[summer27]

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?