Random Jokes/one-Liners..

[ManOnFire]

[quote name='summer27' timestamp='1341575681' post='1302088170']
“It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system.”
- Governor George W. Bush
[/quote]


nijamgana

[ManOnFire]

[quote name='summer27' timestamp='1341576228' post='1302088185']
Question: What is the true definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana’s death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. This message is sent to you using Bill Gates’s technology, and you’re probably reading this on your computer, that use Chinese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Pakistani lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegal…..

That, my friend, is Globalization!
[/quote]


Excellent marvelous tremendous hilarious ....

[summer27]

ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
‘Your name pls.’?
“Abdul Aziz ”
“Sex? ”
“Six times a week!! ”
“No, no, I mean male or female! ”
“Doesn’t matters, sometimes even camel !”

[summer27]

What makes a happy man?

Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy
and .. Wife on the cover of “missing
persons”

[summer27]

Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY
section.

[summer27]

Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read :
BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: ” RETURNED UNOPENED ”

[summer27]

75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why???
Coz she didn’t know anything, and he had forgotten
everything

[summer27]

Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are yours???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints .

[summer27]

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential.
Dad says, you are my son, I’m confident. Your friend is also my son, that’s confidential!

[summer27]

Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman,
'Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?'

The barman says 'Yep, that's them.' So the guy walks over and says,
'Hello, what are you guys doing?'
Bush says, 'We're planning world war 3'
The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'
And Vajpayee says, 'Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman.'
And the guy exclaimed, 'A bicycle repairman?!!!'
Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, 'See, I told you no-one would worry aboutthe 14 million Pakistanis!'

[summer27]

The prime Minister of China called President Bush

to console him after the attack on the Pentagon:

'I'm to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing
any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything.'

[summer27]

Research shows men are fatter than women because
every-night men get fresh milk & 2 papayas
women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!

[Maximus]

[quote name='summer27' timestamp='1341591063' post='1302089566']
Research shows men are fatter than women because
every-night men get fresh milk & 2 papayas
women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!
[/quote]
[img]https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-vdoA0vAor6A/THkWGn3_L8I/AAAAAAAADw4/p3tKMd4OIks/s112/Bemmiii%2520%252887%2529.gif[/img]

[Maximus]

[quote name='summer27' timestamp='1341580018' post='1302088331']
ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
‘Your name pls.’?
“Abdul Aziz ”
“Sex? ”
“Six times a week!! ”
“No, no, I mean male or female! ”
“Doesn’t matters, sometimes even camel !”
[/quote]
an arab man at the airport:
name?
Abdul al-Rhazib
sex?
Three to five times a day.
No, no...I mean male or female?
Male,female,sometimes camel.
Holy cow!
Yes cow,sheep,animals in general.
But isnt that hostile?
Horse style,doggy style,any style.
Oh dear!
No, no! Deer run too fast...

[summer27]

What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says "YOU are the BEST AT S*EX among all your Friends.