Random Jokes/one-Liners..

[summer27]

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh…. I was gett’in laid!

[summer27]

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

[summer27]

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

[summer27]

A magician works on a cruise ship and entertains the audience with his show. The only problem is that the captain’s parrot has figured out all his tricks and tells them during the show. “Aaarrr, it’s in his sleeve, it’s in his sleeve, Aaarrr” “Aaarrr, it’s under his hat, it’s under his hat, Aaarrr”

One night the parrot starts again to tell trick. The magician pulls out a gun and shoots at the parrot. The parrot dodged the bullet; it hit a propane tank and blew the ship into a million pieces. The only two survivors are the magician and the parrot floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean.

The parrot looks around, looks at the magician and say: “Aaarrr, ok, you got me. Where is the ship?”

[summer27]

“The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.”
- George W. Bush


“I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.”
- Governor George W. Bush

“The future will be better tomorrow.”
- Governor George W. Bush

“We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world.”
- Governor George W. Bush


“We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”
- Governor George W. Bush

[summer27]

Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.

[summer27]

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential.
Dad says, you are my son, I’m confident. Your friend is also my son, that’s confidential!

[summer27]

What did the elephant say to the naked man? It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?

[manmadudhu]

[quote name='summer27' timestamp='1352368971' post='1302762655']
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
[/quote]

[manmadudhu]

[quote name='summer27' timestamp='1352368414' post='1302762651']
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
[/quote]

[andhra_alludu]

[quote name='summer27' timestamp='1352368971' post='1302762655']
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
[/quote]

[Maximus]

[quote name='summer27' timestamp='1352366490' post='1302762588']
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it...so I said 'Implants?
[/quote]
[quote name='summer27' timestamp='1352367874' post='1302762639']
How do Municipal Buses help in Family Planning?
By spreading the Message: KRIPYA PEECHHE SE CHADHIYE!!
[/quote]
[quote name='summer27' timestamp='1352367937' post='1302762640']
Written on the T-Shirt of a girl: SITUATORY WARNING: Objects inside the T-Shirt are larger than they appear from outside.
[/quote]
[quote name='summer27' timestamp='1352368085' post='1302762642']
Yesterday's news : An aunty was raped while jogging.
Today's news: More aunties found jogging.
[/quote][img]http://i48.tinypic.com/25jyqes.gif[/img]

[summer27]

ltt

[Maximus]

[img]http://www.andhrafriends.com/uploads/gallery/album_17/gallery_24383_17_578612.gif[/img] pin this thread...

[summer27]

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less