Funny Jokes Lol

[BMW]

[img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uZip8ZLo_2s/UFXPneoC6WI/AAAAAAAAEHo/nhHlKLb1gAw/s320/1249240926.JPG[/img]

[BMW]

[size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]A newly wed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work. [/i][/b][/font]

[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]Wife says: [/i][/b][/font][b][i]"Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"[/i][/b]
[b][i]Husband says: "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"[/i][/b]

[b][i]A few days go by, and he comes home from work.[/i][/b]

[b][i]Wife says: "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"[/i][/b]
[b][i]Husband says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"[/i][/b]

[b][i]Another few days go by, and it is raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. [/i][/b]

[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]Wife says: "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"[/i][/b][/font]
[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]Husband says: "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"[/i][/b][/font]

[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]The next day husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls.[/i][/b][/font]

[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]Wife says: "Nothing. [/i][/b][/font][b][i]"he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him."[/i][/b]
[b][i]Husband asks: "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?"[/i][/b]
[b][i]Wife says: "What do I look like," "Betty Crocker?"[/i][/b][/size]

[BMW]

[img]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OHDNgaHxQcE/UFXPo8zFcoI/AAAAAAAAEH4/xYOLl6gEMwY/s400/Funny+Jokes+for+Kids+(5).jpg[/img]

[BMW]

[img]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fBQuk1LpDcg/UFXPpdsCbjI/AAAAAAAAEIA/rct_2_1gVbU/s400/office_humor_jokes.JPG[/img]

[BMW]

[size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]A guy tells his Psychiatrist: "It was terrible. I was away on business, and I emailed my wife that I'd be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don't get it. How could she do this to me?"[/i][/b][/font]
[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]Psychiatrist says: "Well," "May be she didn't see the email."[/i][/b][/font][/size]

[BMW]

[img]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YH2dIUzsfmM/UFXPwwfsAGI/AAAAAAAAEII/3LbqamMYAPg/s400/5.jpg[/img]

[BMW]

[img]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-g8agU5KkMAw/UFXPxixlqAI/AAAAAAAAEIQ/mWn9IiQuqqI/s400/7.jpg[/img]

[BMW]

[size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.[/i][/b][/font][/size]

[size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it.[/i][/b][/font][/size]
[size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.[/i][/b][/font][/size]

[size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]"I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.[/i][/b][/font][/size]
[size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!"[/i][/b][/font][/size]

[size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!"[/i][/b][/font][/size]

[BMW]

[img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SsD1oCMxMvk/UC2xD-cDEnI/AAAAAAAADrI/8pKFBn8KsOo/s400/3.jpeg[/img]

[BMW]

[size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]The husband returns home one day and tells his wife,[/i][/b][/font][/size]
[left][size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]"Hi Honey, look, I've bought the new Rolling Stones CD."[/i][/b][/font][/size][/left]

[left][size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]"Why did you do that?, we don't even have a CD player!" replied the wife ...[/i][/b][/font][/size][/left]

[left][size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]And husband says "So what ... have i ever asked why you keep on buying bras?"[/i][/b][/font][/size][/left]

[BMW]

[size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas. Overnight, he has a fantastic run of luck. He stumbles out of the casino and finds a pay phone.[/i][/b][/font][/size]

[left][size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]He calls his wife and says, "Honey, pack your bags, I just won over a million dollars in Vegas."[/i][/b][/font][/size][/left]

[left][size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]His wife says, "That's wonderful, What should I pack for ....Europe, Asia, the Caribbean?"[/i][/b][/font][/size][/left]

[left][size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]He says, "I don't care, just be gone when I get home."[/i][/b][/font][/size][/left]

[BMW]

[size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.[/i][/b][/font]

[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]Man: "What was that for?"[/i][/b][/font]
[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]Wife: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?"[/i][/b][/font]

[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]Man: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races?, Marylou was the name of one of the horse I bet on."[/i][/b][/font]

[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.[/i][/b][/font]

[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]Man: "What the hell was that for this time?"[/i][/b][/font]
[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]Wife: "Your horse called."[/i][/b][/font][/size]

[BMW]

[size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]A 60-year-old man is getting his annual physical:[/i][/b][/font]
[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]Doctor, do you think I'll live another 40 years so I can reach 100? [/i][/b][/font][b][i]That depends," says the doctor.[/i][/b]
[b][i]-Do you smoke?[/i][/b]
[b][i]-No[/i][/b]
[b][i]-Do you drink?[/i][/b]
[b][i]-No[/i][/b]
[b][i]-Do you fool around with loose women?[/i][/b]
[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]-Of course not[/i][/b][/font]
[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]-Well, then, why the hell do you want to live for another[/i][/b][/font]
[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]40 years?[/i][/b][/font][/size]

[BMW]

[img]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-r_skwPwHPKs/UC2xGsnpcuI/AAAAAAAADrU/oodxBU0uFEs/s400/overweight-lover.jpg[/img]

[BMW]

[size=5][font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]Honey, both that journalist and the engineer proposed to our daughter![/i][/b][/font]

[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]-So who's the lucky man?[/i][/b][/font]

[font=Times,Times New Roman,serif][b][i]-The engineer. Our daughter married the journalist.[/i][/b][/font][/size]