Jokes...LOL...PART 5

June 30, 2016

On the day of the Royal wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded by all of her family. She suddenly realised she had forgotten to get any shoes. Panic! Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day. Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Sophie's feet was hurting real bad. When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off. The rest of the Family crowded around the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Edward say 'God, that was tight.' 'There,' whispered the Queen. 'I told you she was a virgin.' Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say. 'Right. Now for the other one.' Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said. 'My God. That was even tighter.' 'That's my boy,' said the Duke. @3$%

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A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unmanned, he called a rabbi friend up and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional.

In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned."

The priest asks, "What did you do?"

The woman says, "I committed adultery three times."

The priest tells her, "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go sin no more."

A few minutes later another woman enters the confessional. She says, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I committed adultery three times."

The priest replies, "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go sin no more."

The rabbi tells the priest he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves. A woman enters the confessional and says, "Father forgive me. I have sinned. I committed adultery."

The rabbi asks, "Well how many times?"

The woman says, "Just once."

The rabbi replies, "Well go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5."

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Hilarious @3$%

Three ducks were arrested one night for being in the lake after hours. In court the judge asked the first duck why he was in the lake after hours. The duck said," I was blowing bubbles." The judge fined him and let him go. The second duck came in and the judge asked him what he was doing after hours. The duck said, "I was blowing bubbles." Annoyed the judge fined him and let him go. The last duck came in and the judge asked why he was in the lake after hours. Before he could respond the judge said, "Let me guess, you were there blowing bubbles?" The duck smiled and said, "No sir, My name is bubbles." $%^ @3$% @3$%

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A boy sits behind a girl he likes in Catholic school and he shows it by poking her in the back with a pencil. One day during class the teacher asks:

"Who was the one that created the universe?"

The boy pokes the girl with his pencil and she jumps up says:

"Oh God!"

Afterward the teacher asks:

"Okay, who's the one that died for our sins?"

The boy pokes the girl with his pencil a second time and she jumps up and says:

"Jesus Christ!"

The teacher then asks:

"What did Eve say to Adam after they had their 23rd kid?"

The boy once again pokes the girl with his pencil so she turns around and says to him:

"If you stick that thing into me one more time I'm gonna break it in half!" Dr@w@

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Another CITI_c$y

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbour & decided to go to a calm place to share the loot equally.

One of them suggested a nearby cemetery. As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag. But they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag. Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U"..... He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a Church nearby, for the priest.......................

"Father, pls come with me . Come & witness God & satan sharing corpses at the cemetery"...... They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U'............Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:

"What About The Two At The Gate?"...........

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A male bear and a male mouse live in a forest squabbling with each other. They stumble upon a genie lamp. The genie pops out and say well done you both get three wishes

The bears first wish is that all the bears in the forest were female bears. The mouse wished for unlimited cheese. Both their wishes come true

The bears second wish is that all the bear in country were female bears. The mouse wishes for a holiday. Again both their wishes come true.

The bears final wish is that all the bears in the work are female bears. The mouse wishes for the bear to be gay

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