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[Beardman]

All major terrorists are safe: Imran Khan

26, Feb 2019 By Sandeep Kadian

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Islamabad: After Indian Air Force launched a strike on a terror camp in Balakot in Khyber Pakhtunwaha province of Pakistan, Prime Minister Imran Khan has reassured the terrorists living in Pakistan that all senior terrorists are safe and sound. Terming the Indian Air Force raid a big failure, Imran said that they could only get some foot soldiers in their raid, and none of the leaders.

Imran Khan reassures the people of Pakistan

Speaking to the Press earlier today, Mr. Imran Khan said, “India is trying to show the world that Pakistan is no longer a safe place for terrorists. Terrorism tourism has always been a major source of income for our economy, and they want to destroy that sector. I request our terrorists to not fall for this propaganda, all senior terrorists are safe and sound, and carrying on with their activities.”

When someone pointed out that Masood Azhar’s brother-in-law also died in the air strike, the Pakistani PM said, “Who told you that guy was a senior terrorist? Sifarishi bharti tha Nawaz Sharif ke time ka. I have had many brothers-in-law during my life and I know how they use us to climb higher when they don’t really deserve it.”

When asked how can Indian jets enter the Pakistani airspace, Mr. Khan said, “There is a Bollywood film called Mujhse Shaadi Karogi, in that Satish Shah ji has explained how difficult it is to stay awake between 3 and 4 AM. Now Indian Air Force launched the attack at 3:30AM, how can you expect our pilots to be awake at that time? If they had attacked during the day, we won’t have let them enter till our terror training centres.”

Meanwhile, Dawood Ibrahim has started thinking about relocating to Mumbai to avoid Indian forces. As per a source, bhai said ,”At least in Mumbai the Army will get stuck in traffic if they try to come and capture me, here Indian Air Force can come and go anywhere without any interference.”

Topics:#Imran khan #surgical strike

[Beardman]

Army chiefs of India and Pak appeal to news channels of respective countries to maintain peace and calm

28, Feb 2019 By @jurnoleast

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Taking cognizance of heightened tensions between news channels of India and Pakistan, Army Chiefs of both countries have appealed for peace and calm.

News reporters on either side went berserk after yesterday’s capture of an IAF pilot at the hands of the Pakistanis.

Dramatic scenes were seen at in many media houses in India where news anchors dressed in army fatigues were advising the Govt on how to get the captured pilot back.

In Pakistan scenes were no different. ‘Tauba Tauba’ news anchor who recently went viral for his antics seemed livid for some reason. And it appeared as if he’d lob his mic like a hand grenade on the Indian side.

In an effort to reign in these over-enthusiastic news reporters, army chiefs of both countries have reportedly met the heads of major news channels.

“We are appealing to the media to not escalate tensions between the two countries. Let us do our jobs and you do yours,” read a clear statement by the army.

Going by their track record it seems highly unlikely that news anchors would pay any heed to the appeal. A few media houses explicitly expressed their disapproval.

“The role of media during war time is even more critical. Our news reporters are putting themselves at risk at ground zero. Some of them have been given military training too and can easily fight along with our troops,” said the Editor-in-Chief of a news channel.

Going beyond this appeal, some experts feel that the M-word (where M stands for media) can cause more destruction than the N-word.

“Earlier the thereats used to point at the use of Nuclear weapon. But that could be passe. In future both countires could threaten each other with their respective media,” speculated an expert.

[Beardman]

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LOL MEDIA...ACTING AS ARMY , IAF, PAF