Love marriage vs arranged marriage?

[DrBeta]

 

[Unityunity2]

So are you married ? 

[kevinUsa]

ARRANGED MARRIAGES ARE A SOCIAL EVIL!!! (and now thankfully only exist in primitive societies)

Every marriage has a 50% chance of being a happy one, however, you can be truly happy if you are in love with the person you vow to spend the rest of your life with. Respect, mutual understanding and cooperation, sensitivity to each other’s needs and desires, financial stability, compatibility, comfort levels with each other etc. are other key metrics that lead to a happy marriage. However, these metrics are more often than not missing/overlooked in an arranged marriage. Because arranged marriages do not give ample time and right to the couple to decide on these factors, they take a secondary importance. Needless to say, not everyone who is in an unhappy marriage really goes about saying so. Due to social pressures, unhappy women are mainly told by their own mother's to put up with it and be open with a lie that she'll feel better soon.

There are numerous things wrong with traditionally arranged marriages. Here are just a few -

1. One is not in control to choose a life partner

You come into this world with all your relations already in place- except one. Finding a spouse is essentially everyone’s right, and arranged marriages take away that sole right as well. One does not get to listen to their mind and compare them against their ideals. Most parents believe that a meeting or two with the prospective match is enough to take a decision for a lifetime.

2. Compatibility is decided by parents, family

Compatibility can create a successful marriage or make a recipe for disaster. However, in case of arranged marriages, one cannot know enough about the other person to gauge the compatibility level in the short courtship period, wherein most people put their best foot forward.

3. The process is dehumanizing

Some cultures follow a practice that involves the prospective bride to be selected based on color, height, weight etc. The girl is often paraded like a commodity and the groom can reject the girl for the way she looks- breast size to wide smile. People in arranged marriages marry the physical aspects of a person that satiates them, not the qualities.

4. Love is the second priority

In India at least, arranged marriages are marriages between families. This puts a lot of pressure on both the partners to meet the opposite family’s expectations. This often leads to frustrations, frequent arguments and unhealthy compromises – making love take a seat at the end.

5. Extended family interference

Because the full control of the wedding and everything concerned with it lies with parents, their involvement stays paramount in the relationship. Sometimes, it could turn nasty with privacy and individuality both being compromised, giving the marriage a miserable shape.

6. Expectations are not clearly defined

All of us have some expectations out of our life partners, which actually rarely get discussed in arranged marriages. With a very limited say in your and your partner’s life, it could make a marriage unhealthy and unsustainable.

7. One ends up living with a stranger

Imagine meeting a person a few times briefly and the next thing you know is you are sharing a life with him or her! Bizarre as it may sound, it is the truth. Arranged marriages do not leave one with enough time to get to know each other closely.

8. Likely communication gap

One does not know what to expect out of the marriage, one is in a very limited control of the relationship and one is battling loads of family interference. Communication gap creeps up its ugly head and turns to be a potential relationship wrecker.

9. Relationship takes a long time to bloom

With love a second priority and the weight of family expectations, it is but only likely that a relationship will take a long time to bloom. It is sometimes after having children that a couple realizes that they are indeed, in love!

10. Love making is a chore

With little or no feelings, love making just becomes a regular chore, at least for women in the initial stages of arranged marriages. No one talks about what they like or dislike and simply ‘do it’ because they are married.

11. Financial loopholes

In arranged marriages, there are huge chances that one is not aware of financial debts of the other family. Sometimes, one partner is not prepared to deal with the financial commitments of the in-laws and this serves as a deal breaker. Dowry is often associated with arranged marriages, so as to show-off the financial status of a family.

12. Low divorce rate, but high unhappiness index

Because arranged marriages involve families, people tend to live in bad marriages for the fear of bringing shame to the family. Even if a marriage is an abusive one, many women continue to live their life in misery and fear as a divorce is unthinkable and will bring bad name to their families.

13. Sometimes it's like selling your daughter to slavery and sex

So often we come across people who are married purely by merit of caste, community, religion, family connections, etc., without getting to know the partner, simply because the families insisted on it and have lived to regret it. If you choose your own life partner, the responsibility of your actions lie with you and so in the eventuality, things don't work out and the decision to stay or end it lies with you. When families put pressure on their kids to marry, with an "our way or the highway," kind of attitude, it should be the parent's responsibility to protect, stand up for and help their children in the eventuality of abuse, in-law harassment or ill-treatment of any kind. Washing their hands off their daughters once they are married and turning their faces away when she cries for help, is like selling your daughter to slavery and sex.

14. The Typical Indecent Indian Man is the result of years of arranged marriages

Why are so many Indian men losers, creepy, unbrushed, shabby, dirty and chauvinistic (i could go on, but i hope you understand the kind of men were talking about). The ones that are virgins, never spoken to a girl before, holds hands with his “best” guy friend, hangs out in groups of other men only, rapes each and every woman he sees with his eyes, staring like a fat kid would a cake. You know what im talking about, the typical Indian man.

The answer, according to scientists, is because we have arranged marriages. Looking at evidence of primitive societies (India) where arranged marriages occur, it is not uncommon for parents to disregard personality and other traits completely hence the large number of people with undesirable personality traits is down to the historical selection process of arranged marriages focusing on money and reputation instead of personality.

The selection of oddballs available today is a result of hundreds of years of arranged marriages, so that the selection process has not prioritised people with 'good' personality traits.

That is why you have all these young single Indian who spit, talk loudly in public, scratch their balls in public, dont care about their grooming, stare at every girl they see etc…basically extremely bad personality traits. Because they dont have to care at all. After they are 22–25 and are dying to have sex with anyone, their mummy and daddy will get a girl for him, so why should he even care.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/scien...

So Are Arranged Marriages Wrong?

In theory, arranged marriages seem a perfect way to start a married life. Why, the divorce rates are almost negligible! But in practice, they are much like a social evil, with individuals having little or no choice over their most important decision in life. They bring about a lot of other evils too, like abuse, dowry, compromises etc. Love should be the driving force behind a marriage, not family pressures. Kick-starting a new life with someone needs to be a happy, mutually consented decision so that life is enjoyed in all its glory.

SAY NO TO ARRANGED MARRIAGE!!!!

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Cholan Raje

1. One is not in control to choose a life partner...

 

Hiraike Aakanksha, Illustrator, Psychological and Cultural Studies

Answered Feb 10

 

 

Arranged:

Yes in this generation, no one wants to marry a person their parents found them. They want to venture out and find a nice person themselves. So let me list the advantages of arranged marriages so you can understand exactly why it's better than “love” marriages.

1. Your parents find them for you so how they turn out or how they would be isn't your responsibility, no one can backlash at you for your partner's issues.
2. Your parents will always find someone from the same or better family “level” for you. That means that the person comes from a good family and you know this before hand. So th...

[DrBeta]

Everything that @kevinUsa said...

[panipoori]

7 minutes ago, DrBeta said:

 

@Edo_Okati @LuvDuh marriages

[kevinUsa]

 

[DrBeta]

Just now, kevinUsa said:

 

You supporting love marriages aa?

[kevinUsa]

2 minutes ago, DrBeta said:

You supporting love marriages aa?

its a complicated question s

 

[DrBeta]

Just now, kevinUsa said:

its a complicated question s

 

What is the complicated answer?

[AlaElaAlaEla]

3 minutes ago, DrBeta said:

What is the complicated answer?

enti ee pachayiti weekends....family tho intha time ee afdb lo unnavante sahasamane cheppali....P2 is great 

[DrBeta]

Just now, AlaElaAlaEla said:

enti ee pachayiti weekends....family tho intha time ee afdb lo unnavante sahasamane cheppali....P2 is great 

P2 is great indeed. 

[AlaElaAlaEla]

Just now, DrBeta said:

P2 is great indeed. 

yes infact all P2's are.

[kevinUsa]

6 minutes ago, DrBeta said:

What is the complicated answer?

no answer...

[DrBeta]

2 minutes ago, AlaElaAlaEla said:

yes infact all P2's are.

True that. 

[Staysafebro]

Most of the time, you end up poor if it is not an arranged marriage.