My wife and I had an agreement to help put each other through school. Now that she's through, she's filing for divorce (NM)

[betapilli]

1 hour ago, zarathustra said:

You are so right pilli, that's one of the reasons why I gave up some more lucrative offers as I had to be away from my wife. I would rather be closer to her and maintain a happy relationship than be far away and drift apart in the pursuit of professional betterment

It's more how much trust you have for each other. I don't think that should be a reason to compromise on your career. My husband and I, we did a long distance for a couple of years before getting married. We got engaged before the long distance, it worked out alright. 

[meri_zindagi]

Suryavamsam movie chudali Ee couple. Jokes apart. She might have outgrown in the relationship. Education ki support chesadu ane reason tho istam lekapoina life long kalisi undali ante kastame. Ala ani leaving him once she got everything is not right too. It all depends how two individuals make their relationship work out. May be she has to support him financially until he graduates like he did. 

[MRI]

1 hour ago, betapilli said:

Equity is the word. 

What about equity? Give unfair advantage to someone? 

[zarathustra]

4 minutes ago, betapilli said:

It's more how much trust you have for each other. I don't think that should be a reason to compromise on your career. My husband and I, we did a long distance for a couple of years before getting married. We got engaged before the long distance, it worked out alright. 

Oh we have the trust, but then again we have only been married for less than an year and half so I didn't want to go too far away from her. I can always change jobs of course even one year down the line if needed, or find something remote. 

But I value being with her so much more, we also did long distance before we got engaged for close to 8 months. So I know how it feels, however we understand each other much better now since we started living together compared to when we were long distance. 

[zarathustra]

5 minutes ago, meri_zindagi said:

Suryavamsam movie chudali Ee couple. Jokes apart. She might have outgrown in the relationship. Education ki support chesadu ane reason tho istam lekapoina life long kalisi undali ante kastame. Ala ani leaving him once she got everything is not right too. It all depends how two individuals make their relationship work out. May be she has to support him financially until he graduates like he did. 

I think a fair compromise in this case would be for her to pay him back all that he paid for her education, at least in instalments. He should move on too since it's obviously not going to work anymore, it's a blessing in disguise. 

[betapilli]

Just now, MRI said:

What about equity? Give unfair advantage to someone? 

How is it fair for a woman to be treated the same way as a man when women are biologically different than men? They should be treated equally if a man can cut his penis somehow and deal with bleeding 5 days every month and go around like that at work. 

[betapilli]

3 minutes ago, zarathustra said:

Oh we have the trust, but then again we have only been married for less than an year and half so I didn't want to go too far away from her. I can always change jobs of course even one year down the line if needed, or find something remote. 

But I value being with her so much more, we also did long distance before we got engaged for close to 8 months. So I know how it feels, however we understand each other much better now since we started living together compared to when we were long distance. 

Yeah, I understand. We lived together for 5 years, then got engaged before a 2 year long distance relationship. Probably because we were together for 5 years before our long distance, it didn't feel that bad. 

[MRI]

1 minute ago, betapilli said:

How is it fair for a woman to be treated the same way as a man when women are biologically different than men? They should be treated equally if a man can cut his penis somehow and deal with bleeding 5 days every month and go around like that at work. 

insensible analogy.. you are equating something by nature vs man made.. men don't get impregnated.. then create equity first there.. 

and explain what you mean by women are treated same way as men?

[zarathustra]

9 minutes ago, betapilli said:

It's more how much trust you have for each other. I don't think that should be a reason to compromise on your career. My husband and I, we did a long distance for a couple of years before getting married. We got engaged before the long distance, it worked out alright. 

When we were just corresponding over phone and video when it was long distance, we had little to no disagreements on a lot of issues. 

But once we got engaged and I moved in with her(this is before we got married), we had a few really serious fights and arguments like atleast once a month. And 2 days before our marriage, we had the biggest fight ever and even said we regret marrying each other. After we came back from our honeymoon, we had another huge fight and it all made me wonder if we would even be together after one year. 

However, once we started understanding each other more our fights subsided and I started looking at things from her perspective as well. Same with her, even if we disagree we are very polite towards each other about it and discuss why we disagree with what we disagree about. We also watch our tempers when we are mad at each other and try to curb them, she puts in effort as much as I do. That's why I wouldn't want to leave her and go away, to get this place it took a while for us and I don't want to undo it. 

Career is okay but I think even having a very successful career without a happy personal life isn't gratifying, atleast to me. I believe I can balance both eventually, she's also supportive in every way about my career choices and if I decide to switch careers etc. 

Only point of contention is that our parents aren't as close to each other as we would have liked them to be, but then again her parents treat me like their own son and she treats my parents like her own parents as well. So that way we all are on the same page. 

[betapilli]

Just now, MRI said:

insensible analogy.. you are equating something by nature vs man made.. men don't get impregnated.. then create equity first there.. 

and explain what you mean by women are treated same way as men?

Right, men don't get impregnated. That's why men shouldn't be treated like women. Women are not treated like men, I didn't ask for women to be treated the same way as men. 

[MRI]

1 minute ago, betapilli said:

Right, men don't get impregnated. That's why men shouldn't be treated like women. Women are not treated like men, I didn't ask for women to be treated the same way as men. 

 

7 minutes ago, betapilli said:

How is it fair for a woman to be treated the same way as a man when women are biologically different than men? They should be treated equally if a man can cut his penis somehow and deal with bleeding 5 days every month and go around like that at work. 

I was asking to elaborate on this.. so what is your solution? if men and women are not equal, how is equity achieved? 50%? 

[Sputnik]

2 minutes ago, zarathustra said:

When we were just corresponding over phone and video when it was long distance, we had little to no disagreements on a lot of issues. 

But once we got engaged and I moved in with her(this is before we got married), we had a few really serious fights and arguments like atleast once a month. And 2 days before our marriage, we had the biggest fight ever and even said we regret marrying each other. After we came back from our honeymoon, we had another huge fight and it all made me wonder if we would even be together after one year. 

However, once we started understanding each other more our fights subsided and I started looking at things from her perspective as well. Same with her, even if we disagree we are very polite towards each other about it and discuss why we disagree with what we disagree about. We also watch our tempers when we are mad at each other and try to curb them, she puts in effort as much as I do. That's why I wouldn't want to leave her and go away, to get this place it took a while for us and I don't want to undo it. 

Career is okay but I think even having a very successful career without a happy personal life isn't gratifying, atleast to me. I believe I can balance both eventually, she's also supportive in every way about my career choices and if I decide to switch careers etc. 

Only point of contention is that our parents aren't as close to each other as we would have liked them to be, but then again her parents treat me like their own son and she treats my parents like her own parents as well. So that way we all are on the same page. 

you sound so matured

[betapilli]

Just now, MRI said:

 

I was asking to elaborate on this

Right, I have a theory about this from my point of view. In academia, years after your PhD are very important when you apply for grants. There are several million dollar grants that one is only eligible for within 10 years of PhD. Most women are fighting with a ticking biological clock when they apply for these grants. They either have to choose between having kids or getting some of these grants. Some end up getting these grants but don't have children as a result. Some want to have children after and end up having miscarriages. This is one of the main reason why you don't see as many female professors in Universities. I don't think it's fair to treat men and women the same way, since men are not fighting with a ticking biological clock. That's why there is a need for equity, not equality. 

[zarathustra]

Just now, betapilli said:

Right, I have a theory about this from my point of view. In academia, years after your PhD are very important when you apply for grants. There are several million dollar grants that one is only eligible for within 10 years of PhD. Most women are fighting with a ticking biological clock when they apply for these grants. They either have to choose between having kids or getting some of these grants. Some end up getting these grants but don't have children as a result. Some want to have children after and end up having miscarriages. This is one of the main reason why you don't see as many female professors in Universities. I don't think it's fair to treat men and women the same way, since men are not fighting with a ticking biological clock. That's why there is a need for equity, not equality. 

Fair point, i agree

[zarathustra]

6 minutes ago, Sputnik said:

you sound so matured

Thanks bro, I wasn't always like this. I was a hot headed guy in my youth and even into my early 30s. I felt bad that I married finally when I was 35 but now that I think about it it's probably a good thing. I wouldn't have wanted to marry anyone else but who I am married to now