Question to all my single, divorced friends out there!

February 15, 2023

am a divorced women who worked hard the past 8 years to reach a financially stable position alone in the US with no help from relatives. The relatives who abandoned me when i was going through my divorce in a new country with no financial and emotional help are swarming around me now after i bought a house in the US last year. I find it fascinating how those relatives slowly slide back into our life with no recollection of how they behaved with us when we needed help.

The worst part now is, I find myself in situations where they expect me to pay for their travel to visit me or help them buy a house or such financial help. I have had some of them jokingly tell me that, "You do not have a family, so you can afford to help us as your do not have much expenses"

Yes, i am financially independent and yes, i can help them. But, the expectation that "i should" bothers me. Its hard for me to say no to relatives so i reluctantly help them. How do y'all deal with such situations? How can i say no without hurting anyone? How can i help them understand politely that I am working hard to earn money, i need to save for my future and i am not obligated to help them.

Thanks.

February 15, 2023

Santanu Bhowmick

Former Member OfThe Month

Group expert in Life Hacks

+1

" I find myself in situations where they expect me to pay for their travel to visit me or help them buy a house or such financial help"

WTF...WTF…
See more

70
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
- Virgilia Figredo
  
  Group expert
  
  Santanu Bhowmick the exact response/ reaction is what I had.
  
  I definitely recommend therapy to battle such demons, especially to handle so called ‘family’ that are abusing her for their own benefit and clearly OP is vulnerable.…
  See more
  
  6
  
  Like
  
  Reply
  
  2d
- Namrata Singh Abrol
  
  Santanu Bhowmick I am impressed and it’s super hard to impress me. That was a very heart felt yet very mature answer. Rare to see on the inter webs. Well done sir
  
  Like
  
  Reply
  
  1d
Reply to Santanu Bhowmick…
Abhijeet Sonawane

Tell them you are saving for your old age, because you ‘do not have a family’. Aur best ‘ mere baad to sab aapka hi hai’! Leave me be till then.

95
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
- Edited
- Minnie Gupta
  
  Experienced parent
  
  Abhijeet Sonawane lol! Love this answer
  
  2
  
  Like
  
  Reply
  
  2d
- Nandna Garg
  
  Abhijeet Sonawane what a perfect response to give the scheming relatives ..love it
  
  Like
  
  Reply
  
  2d
- Santanu Bhowmick
  
  Former Member OfThe Month
  
  Group expert in Life Hacks
  
  +1
  
  Abhijeet Sonawane Great answer, but scheming relatives will always have a ready answer for the next spiel. Its best to cut them off with a flat "No" unless the OP wants to keep playing whack-a-mole. Folks like these are unwilling to give up till they K…
  See more
  
  9
  
  Like
  
  Reply
  
  2d
- Abhijeet Sonawane
  
  Itne likes pe to I should also get a badge of Group expert of sarcasm

February 15, 2023

Shika Ralleigh

What audacity!! Why do we have such people in our lives ughh. Revisit your tough time when nobody showed up. Why they wanna visit now? Just laugh when they say such things… soon they will realize that you are not interested going that route. And you sh…
See more
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Ravi Gupta

Helping will not bring you down.. help as much as you can and to the extent possible. You never know what happens next so you should not have any regrets for not helping anyone.

Moreover, from other perspective - it's may be because of what they did,…
See more

12
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
- Edited
- Santanu Bhowmick
  
  Former Member OfThe Month
  
  Group expert in Life Hacks
  
  +1
  
  Ravi Gupta
  
  “The relatives who abandoned me when i was going through my divorce in a new country with no financial and emotional help are swarming around me now after i bought a house in the US last year. I find it fascinating how those relatives slow…
  See more
  
  19
  
  Like
  
  Reply
  
  2d
- Pawan Kaps
  
  Ravi Gupta please help OP redirecting your savings to her account.. because.. helping will not bring you down.. help as much as you can and to the extent possible.. Sir, sab moh maya hai.
  
  13
  
  Like
  
  Reply
  
  2d
  Mansi Sethi
  
  Group expert
  
  Pawan Kaps why just her. Money is just moh maya. The guy being so generous can help anyone and everyone in this group.
  
  Like
  
  Reply
  
  2d
View 4 more replies
Krishna Verma

There is a reason why they are known as relatives - Relative to Money!

Next time they say you don't have expenses - tell them you aren't planning on havinv others either!
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Sonali Shinga

I would not reply to such feelers.

Do give them a taste of their own behavior….do go completely silent : just the way that abandoned you …
See more
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
- Edited
Shashank Rai

None of us abandoned you so if you have abundant money and you are deciding to share … I welcome any form of free money with open arms

Yours truly…
See more

2
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Mia's Mind Consulting - Where healing begins

·
Follow

You can stop hurting them by saying "No". They will surprise you with their acceptance or avoidance.
- Like
- Reply
- 1d
Balaraju Manti

People, present day generation, are like that. When I was really in trouble no body came forward to help me . Gradually I recovered got again good job well settled. Now all are looking at our family. Don't mind them. Do what ever your heart says. God bless you
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Shilpa Mahajan Chandra

Group expert

Did anyone care how you felt when you were down on your luck?

Don’t care about hurting. Just say no.
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Binal Chheda

Tell them I am buying 2nd home soon …so can’t help sorry….

As I am saving money for down payment…..
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Sonu Nci

Group expert in STEM Education

I know it is difficult, but a simple no does the job! If these so called relatives were not there when you needed them in the past, there is no guarantee that they will be by your side even if you help them. My two cents:- Please let them know that in …
See more
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
- Edited
Nisha Puthiyedath

Group expert in Health & Medical [CTX]

Experienced parent

Welcome to India. If you are single in your 30s or childless, everyone expects you to shell out money giving reasons that you don't have anyone to give it to. Same goes for single mothers. And there is zero humility involved in the process.

Tell them …
See more
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Sujata Bansode

You need to learn to say No firmly sooner than later.
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Devraj Biswas

Your last sentence says it all. God Bless!
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Raji Senthil

Plan to have a family soon. Good luck.
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Nancy Nanavaty

Group expert

Just ignore them. They will get it in time.

Glad you are financially independent. Soon you will be emotionally independent too n such relatives n their requests will not bother you. Best of luck for that day. Stay happy.
- Like
- Reply
- 1d
Nisha Sreekumar

If you can't say no, maybe even before they start saying something, just start whining about how difficult your job is and there is a chance of layoff and because of that you are going through a tough time. Planning to take a degree but it's so costly,…
See more
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Dharitree Ravat

Hello

First of all congratulations on being independent and successful.

I went through the same thing but I also have a daughter whom I raised by myself, so for me it’s all about her. It’s been 12 years. …
See more
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Shafinaaz Fathima

Just a polite NO (Bold, capital and underlined). Learning to say is NO is biggest help we do to ourselves
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Neelkamal Patalay

Let me see - How can I help you understand politely that you are working hard to earn money, you need to save for your future and you are NOT obligated to help them ??!!
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Vijay Juluri

99 "No"s and one yes they will remember you for "YES"...vice versa.
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Moumita Dutta

No you are not entitled to help someone just because you don’t have spouse / kids .. Rather you need to save for your retirement only
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Yuvaraj Mohan Perumal

There is no perfect person in this world. And people change over time realising their mistakes(not all of them). Be in touch with everyone. Help only your close circle whom you trust. Don’t worry about other persons. Let them think whatever they want. …
See more
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Dilip Bihani

Group expert

If you think seriously then when you marry your husband you starts towards family and after kids your family completes. Other one's are extended family. So please try to protect & adjustments in your marriage and all your family is happy. This is exper…
See more
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Roopsi Nanda

U need New relatives!
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Arafat Ansari

U don’t have to or need to help anyone. Specially when they were not there in ur tough days they don’t deserve ur good days either. Ppl can will always seek benefit by any justification, don’t worry abt em
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Jey Bouc

I can relate to this. I can tell you that if you do help, it will never be enough. You will be expected to do more and more to the point you will be resentful. It’s hard to say no and put boundaries in place but that’s the best way. I am not against he…
See more
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Maju Sukumaran

Group expert

You need to practice it and make it perfect. Say just NO and start ignoring such calls. There is no other antidote. It will be difficult the first couple of times , same like how you started cooking or your fist job or your first investment. But soon y…
See more
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Shubham Shrivastava

Tell them yes I don't have a family and cut the call. Also, can add Good Luck!!
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Varsha Patnaik

These statements should not matter to you too much as they are your present family.
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Sunil Gude

No offense

Tell to mind their business and say no

It doesn’t matter weather they are relatives…
See more
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Gangam Shruthi

“ Without hurting anyone “ - this does not exist in the world my friend. You cannot satisfy everyone. You have to come out and start saying NO. Always remember “ Never FORGET the lessons/experiences people taught you”
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
- Sourya Biswas
  
  Gangam Shruthi these “relatives” deserve to be hurt!
  
  Like
  
  Reply
  
  2d
Gail Joseph-Cabrera

You shouldn’t worry about hurting them when you say no. Remember that they abandoned you when you were going through tough times. Had they been supportive, then of course you can spend on them but that’s not the case. Tell them you have certain expense…
See more
- Like
- Reply
- 2d
Vibhuti Sona

Keep your morals and boundaries. You are not obligated by any means and they are not your burden to carry. You decide who you want to help. You have to save for your future as well.

I speak from very similar perspective and experience.

February 15, 2023

Housewarming videos YouTube lo pettaddu anedi induke.. prati daniki overaction chesthaaru 😄

February 15, 2023

Andhu k stop saving .. start shopping anedi @Sucker uncle

Sign In

Question to all my single, divorced friends out there!

Recommended Posts

kevinUsa

Link to comment

Share on other sites

kevinUsa

Link to comment

Share on other sites

kevinUsa

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Thokkalee

Link to comment

Share on other sites

perugu_vada

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Join the conversation

Popular Now

Tell a friend

Most viewed in last 30 days

Activity