Father drowned in debt. I keep pulling him out and I am done.

[Pandubabu]

I keep pulling him out of debt and he takes new debt. He earns more than a lakh per month. Absolutely zero commercial properties on his name. 10 lakhs worth agricultural properties from ancestors . He goes with some business and utterly fails.  I pulled him out atleast thrice so far with around 20-25  lakhs.

I told him not to involve in anything else  but does it anyway behind my back. He comes back when someone sits on his throat for repayment.

Now that I am married with kids , it is very difficult to keep sending these huge amounts both financially and relationship with wife wise..

My savings are under 50k and most of the savings are after my wife started working recently.  It is unfair to her to keep sending the money to India.

When asked him about how much he owes in total so that I can do final settlement ,  he does not respond with number and he just asks how much I can give him. 

I love my dad. He loves me so much . He loves me more than anyone else in this world, but this is becoming very difficult to handle.

Just venting..

[Android_Halwa]

Some things need to be dealt in a rough way. 

Next time when he asks you to bail out, do bail him out but start asking interest for all the previous bail outs and ask him when does he plan to repay back. 
 

Atarvat niku malli phone cheyaru..

[Pandubabu]

Just now, Android_Halwa said:

Some things need to be dealt in a rough way. 

Next time when he asks you to bail out, do bail him out but start asking interest for all the previous bail outs and ask him when does he plan to repay back. 
 

Atarvat niku malli phone cheyaru..

The issue is not to avoid him. I want him to be happy without any such issues ..I am willing to do a final settlement so that he leads a happy life..

He does not really want to trouble me . But at the end , I am the only option left for him to come out.

[Vaaampire]

1 minute ago, Pandubabu said:

The issue is not to avoid him. I want him to be happy without any such issues ..I am willing to do a final settlement so that he leads a happy life..

He does not really want to trouble me . But at the end , I am the only option left for him to come out.

Do the final settlement and ask him to stay away from business. Also tell him how much its effecting ur marital life and u also need to think about future of ur kids. Clearly convey to him that the best thing he can do for u is by staying away from such things. If he is reasonable person, he will understand and change. If not, u have to stop supporting him. Its good that u dont have any issues from ur wife so far. But dont expect things to be like this forever. Mee dad thappulaki nuvvu nee wife godavapadey state ki rakunda choosuko

[Pandubabu]

7 minutes ago, Vaaampire said:

Do the final settlement and ask him to stay away from business. Also tell him how much its effecting ur marital life and u also need to think about future of ur kids. Clearly convey to him that the best thing he can do for u is by staying away from such things. If he is reasonable person, he will understand and change. If not, u have to stop supporting him. Its good that u dont have any issues from ur wife so far. But dont expect things to be like this forever. Mee dad thappulaki nuvvu nee wife godavapadey state ki rakunda choosuko

Unfortunately he is not reasonable.  The last 3 times I gave money is supposed to settle completely. I am happy to support him with 20k allowance a month if he needs . But the amount of 20 lakhs is just out of my capacity. Oh man, The struggle of a man.

 

[Vaaampire]

1 minute ago, Pandubabu said:

Unfortunately he is not reasonable.  The last 3 times I gave money is supposed to settle completely. I am happy to support him with 20k allowance a month if he needs . But the amount of 20 lakhs is just out of my capacity. Oh man, The struggle of a man.

 

Then okka 5 lakhs ichi inka apeyyi. Tell him u dont have any savings. Even though he is good, him being not responsible should not effect ur kids future

[psycopk]

This is what my wife is saying ani paina post peti.. what should i say to her dad?? Ani adugu .. inka appatiki aaina he should control.. otherwise your money is in drain and it will continue that way.. tell him clearly i cant send money.. i am done.. 

[praying]

30 minutes ago, Pandubabu said:

I keep pulling him out of debt and he takes new debt. He earns more than a lakh per month. Absolutely zero commercial properties on his name. 10 lakhs worth agricultural properties from ancestors . He goes with some business and utterly fails.  I pulled him out atleast thrice so far with around 20-25  lakhs.

I told him not to involve in anything else  but does it anyway behind my back. He comes back when someone sits on his throat for repayment.

Now that I am married with kids , it is very difficult to keep sending these huge amounts both financially and relationship with wife wise..

My savings are under 50k and most of the savings are after my wife started working recently.  It is unfair to her to keep sending the money to India.

When asked him about how much he owes in total so that I can do final settlement ,  he does not respond with number and he just asks how much I can give him. 

I love my dad. He loves me so much . He loves me more than anyone else in this world, but this is becoming very difficult to handle.

Just venting..

Explain hm that not only he is in debts but he is also pushing you into debts because of his behavior. I hope he understands, but end of the day just settle it and make him happy. If its your wifes money, stay away from it. You have no right without her consent. 

[Thokkalee]

35 minutes ago, Pandubabu said:

I keep pulling him out of debt and he takes new debt. He earns more than a lakh per month. Absolutely zero commercial properties on his name. 10 lakhs worth agricultural properties from ancestors . He goes with some business and utterly fails.  I pulled him out atleast thrice so far with around 20-25  lakhs.

I told him not to involve in anything else  but does it anyway behind my back. He comes back when someone sits on his throat for repayment.

Now that I am married with kids , it is very difficult to keep sending these huge amounts both financially and relationship with wife wise..

My savings are under 50k and most of the savings are after my wife started working recently.  It is unfair to her to keep sending the money to India.

When asked him about how much he owes in total so that I can do final settlement ,  he does not respond with number and he just asks how much I can give him. 

I love my dad. He loves me so much . He loves me more than anyone else in this world, but this is becoming very difficult to handle.

Just venting..

Some people are difficult to save.. they drag you down and they don’t ever change their habits.. with parents, it is way more difficult to cut it out.. it is a gamble for him and it is hard for them to stop doin this.. check who his friends are and if they are encouraging him to do this and try to handle it from that side.. another way is to start ignoring him and stop talking to him for a period of time if he doesn’t change his ways.. look at ways that makes him realize that his behavior has to change.. as long as you bail out, he won’t change.. 

your bigger concern should be to check if there is a big mountain of debt that you don’t know yet.. 

[Pandubabu]

4 minutes ago, Thokkalee said:

Some people are difficult to save.. they drag you down and they don’t ever change their habits.. with parents, it is way more difficult to cut it out.. it is a gamble for him and it is hard for them to stop doin this.. check who his friends are and if they are encouraging him to do this and try to handle it from that side.. another way is to start ignoring him and stop talking to him for a period of time if he doesn’t change his ways.. look at ways that makes him realize that his behavior has to change.. as long as you bail out, he won’t change.. 

your bigger concern should be to check if there is a big mountain of debt that you don’t know yet.. 

I keep asking him everytine over the last 15 years how much debt he has . He just asks back hoe much I can give him. It sickens me ..

[Thokkalee]

3 minutes ago, Pandubabu said:

I keep asking him everytine over the last 15 years how much debt he has . He just asks back hoe much I can give him. It sickens me ..

Don’t ask him.. after a certain age, parents behave like kids.. if your kid has bad spending habits, do you continue to give him more and more money… you make him learn.. 

You have to make him feel the pain.. though it is difficult.. otherwise they don’t change..:

[Pandubabu]

10 minutes ago, Thokkalee said:

Don’t ask him.. after a certain age, parents behave like kids.. if your kid has bad spending habits, do you continue to give him more and more money… you make him learn.. 

You have to make him feel the pain.. though it is difficult.. otherwise they don’t change..:

That is what I am doing . I said I am gonna respond only if he lists all his debts ..

[Sanjiv]

1 hour ago, Pandubabu said:

I love my dad. He loves me so much . He loves me more than anyone else in this world, but this is becoming very difficult to handle.

Just venting..

No, he doesn’t. Period.

[JUST444FUN]

1 hour ago, Pandubabu said:

I keep pulling him out of debt and he takes new debt. He earns more than a lakh per month. Absolutely zero commercial properties on his name. 10 lakhs worth agricultural properties from ancestors . He goes with some business and utterly fails.  I pulled him out atleast thrice so far with around 20-25  lakhs.

I told him not to involve in anything else  but does it anyway behind my back. He comes back when someone sits on his throat for repayment.

Now that I am married with kids , it is very difficult to keep sending these huge amounts both financially and relationship with wife wise..

My savings are under 50k and most of the savings are after my wife started working recently.  It is unfair to her to keep sending the money to India.

When asked him about how much he owes in total so that I can do final settlement ,  he does not respond with number and he just asks how much I can give him. 

I love my dad. He loves me so much . He loves me more than anyone else in this world, but this is becoming very difficult to handle.

Just venting..

If he is not telling meanings he is out of control and deep in the .  . Could not reveal everything at one. Trying to get out by himself looks like that’s not possible. Better go to india . Ask all relatives and friends how much he owes . Tell everyone you pay without interest or with some discount . Take it or forget all. 
tell don’t give anymore loan to your dad. 
 

I did this once and worked for me. 

[Pavanonline]

1 hour ago, Pandubabu said:

The issue is not to avoid him. I want him to be happy without any such issues ..I am willing to do a final settlement so that he leads a happy life..

He does not really want to trouble me . But at the end , I am the only option left for him to come out.

Avva kavali buvva kavali ante kudaradu pandu.

Same with my dad and in laws we cut the gravy train and everything took care of itself. It'll hurt their ego but that's the medicine.