Father drowned in debt. I keep pulling him out and I am done.

[Kakynada]

communication is the key. in softer way that they can understand. 

You need a plan - Sit with him, and talk casually - Plan consists of 2 things

1. His Debt - How much, what are the ways to clear, how can we put a stop to this debt forever. 

2. Your commitments - family, kids, their future, your investments, kids schooling - etc etc 

You can let him know very casually the above, and let him know we have a plan and we wil work it out. 

All you have to do is make him understand that he has a problem and you can fix although you have your own commitments, you can still help him to fix the problem only if if he cooperates. 

[pakeer_saab]

1 hour ago, Pandubabu said:

I keep pulling him out of debt and he takes new debt. He earns more than a lakh per month. Absolutely zero commercial properties on his name. 10 lakhs worth agricultural properties from ancestors . He goes with some business and utterly fails.  I pulled him out atleast thrice so far with around 20-25  lakhs.

I told him not to involve in anything else  but does it anyway behind my back. He comes back when someone sits on his throat for repayment.

Now that I am married with kids , it is very difficult to keep sending these huge amounts both financially and relationship with wife wise..

My savings are under 50k and most of the savings are after my wife started working recently.  It is unfair to her to keep sending the money to India.

When asked him about how much he owes in total so that I can do final settlement ,  he does not respond with number and he just asks how much I can give him. 

I love my dad. He loves me so much . He loves me more than anyone else in this world, but this is becoming very difficult to handle.

Just venting..

When a pipe is leaking, the only option is to stop leaking is to close it completely

it will be difficult exercise but worth it.

fiscal discipline is key to progress of family, it can either make or break a generation.

 

[reddyrao]

1 hour ago, Pandubabu said:

I keep pulling him out of debt and he takes new debt. He earns more than a lakh per month. Absolutely zero commercial properties on his name. 10 lakhs worth agricultural properties from ancestors . He goes with some business and utterly fails.  I pulled him out atleast thrice so far with around 20-25  lakhs.

I told him not to involve in anything else  but does it anyway behind my back. He comes back when someone sits on his throat for repayment.

Now that I am married with kids , it is very difficult to keep sending these huge amounts both financially and relationship with wife wise..

My savings are under 50k and most of the savings are after my wife started working recently.  It is unfair to her to keep sending the money to India.

When asked him about how much he owes in total so that I can do final settlement ,  he does not respond with number and he just asks how much I can give him. 

I love my dad. He loves me so much . He loves me more than anyone else in this world, but this is becoming very difficult to handle.

Just venting..

bruh. i feel you. Am in same boat. chala sarlu face chesa. inka face chesthune unnanu. ghoram ga chesaru naa situation. entha sampadinchina naku 5 figure balance eppudu undadu. always aayana appulu chesinavi theerchukodame saripotundi.

[pakeer_saab]

1 hour ago, Pandubabu said:

I keep pulling him out of debt and he takes new debt. He earns more than a lakh per month. Absolutely zero commercial properties on his name. 10 lakhs worth agricultural properties from ancestors . He goes with some business and utterly fails.  I pulled him out atleast thrice so far with around 20-25  lakhs.

I told him not to involve in anything else  but does it anyway behind my back. He comes back when someone sits on his throat for repayment.

Now that I am married with kids , it is very difficult to keep sending these huge amounts both financially and relationship with wife wise..

My savings are under 50k and most of the savings are after my wife started working recently.  It is unfair to her to keep sending the money to India.

When asked him about how much he owes in total so that I can do final settlement ,  he does not respond with number and he just asks how much I can give him. 

I love my dad. He loves me so much . He loves me more than anyone else in this world, but this is becoming very difficult to handle.

Just venting..

also check where the leak is, you dad may have some hobbies that you were not aware

hobbies include paying from past experiences/outcomes too, your name suggest you are from Godavari area.. akkada sports chaala famous, you dad may be paying for payoff for outcome of sports he played earlier.

hint: oldest sport in the world.

your dad might have played some sports, gambling and extra curricular activities, he might be paying for those now

man with bad habits can go any extent without thinking about future of his family, i see this trend in your case. research before you send him next dime

 

[San_K]

1 hour ago, Pandubabu said:

I keep pulling him out of debt and he takes new debt. He earns more than a lakh per month. Absolutely zero commercial properties on his name. 10 lakhs worth agricultural properties from ancestors . He goes with some business and utterly fails.  I pulled him out atleast thrice so far with around 20-25  lakhs.

I told him not to involve in anything else  but does it anyway behind my back. He comes back when someone sits on his throat for repayment.

Now that I am married with kids , it is very difficult to keep sending these huge amounts both financially and relationship with wife wise..

My savings are under 50k and most of the savings are after my wife started working recently.  It is unfair to her to keep sending the money to India.

When asked him about how much he owes in total so that I can do final settlement ,  he does not respond with number and he just asks how much I can give him. 

I love my dad. He loves me so much . He loves me more than anyone else in this world, but this is becoming very difficult to handle.

Just venting..

Is it possible for you to bring him here for a few months?   With the new place, new people, his grand kids(?) and seeing how you and your spouse are working hard,  he might not even think about doing a business. 

 

[praying]

20 minutes ago, reddyrao said:

bruh. i feel you. Am in same boat. chala sarlu face chesa. inka face chesthune unnanu. ghoram ga chesaru naa situation. entha sampadinchina naku 5 figure balance eppudu undadu. always aayana appulu chesinavi theerchukodame saripotundi.

Did he get into debts because of some habits or is he somebody who spends a lot?

[Pandubabu]

5 minutes ago, praying said:

Did he get into debts because of some habits or is he somebody who spends a lot?

He spends a lot and he drinks and provides drinks to others. Nothing else other than that .

[Android_Halwa]

1 hour ago, Pandubabu said:

The issue is not to avoid him. I want him to be happy without any such issues ..I am willing to do a final settlement so that he leads a happy life..

He does not really want to trouble me . But at the end , I am the only option left for him to come out.

I never meant to avoid him but financial discipline is very important or else it’s your wife and children who will pay for the miscalculations of previous generations. Do you want that to happen ?

you don’t want to hurt him, he don’t want to trouble you etc anevi emotional moments chepukodaniki baguntayi kani Numbers mismatch ayithe first karab ayedi ie emotions ae…you need to be tough and take things into control or edaina chusi chudanattu vadiley….Anthe kani balance cheyali ante practical world lo kudaradu..

Your dad makes one lakh a month yet past debts haunt you ante you need to get to the bottom of the problem to solve. For that, you need to be tough. 

[jalsa01]

1 hour ago, Pandubabu said:

I keep pulling him out of debt and he takes new debt. He earns more than a lakh per month. Absolutely zero commercial properties on his name. 10 lakhs worth agricultural properties from ancestors . He goes with some business and utterly fails.  I pulled him out atleast thrice so far with around 20-25  lakhs.

I told him not to involve in anything else  but does it anyway behind my back. He comes back when someone sits on his throat for repayment.

Now that I am married with kids , it is very difficult to keep sending these huge amounts both financially and relationship with wife wise..

My savings are under 50k and most of the savings are after my wife started working recently.  It is unfair to her to keep sending the money to India.

When asked him about how much he owes in total so that I can do final settlement ,  he does not respond with number and he just asks how much I can give him. 

I love my dad. He loves me so much . He loves me more than anyone else in this world, but this is becoming very difficult to handle.

Just venting..

Was in same boat.. try to help him but this time don't clear in full do part payment let the other half be left as debt and keep him tight..   KEEP ❤ HIM no matter what.. Now I lost my dad and I don't know what to do with the money as I  almost always used to clear the debts by emptying my balance.. we can accumulate money but can't make them happier at later stages.. I feel am much happier in those days though I almost have zero balance and arguments with him but now this money is not happy

[Pandubabu]

6 minutes ago, jalsa01 said:

Was in same boat.. try to help him but this time don't clear in full do part payment let the other half be left as debt and keep him tight..   KEEP ❤ HIM no matter what.. Now I lost my dad and I don't know what to do with the money as I  almost always used to clear the debts by emptying my balance.. we can accumulate money but can't make them happier at later stages.. I feel am much happier in those days though I almost have zero balance and arguments with him but now this money is not happy

Unfortunately I dont have money. I need to pull credit.  I am happy to pull credit as well but I want to know this is it.

[Dallas_balu]

G valga tengutha L''jal ki pettinava seepii savvu ani ask strongly bro and talk to your mom infront of him like this ne mogudu deniki pedtundu -it will break him and he open up 

sometimes you have to be rough thappadhu

be it parents wife or friends this is how I deal and they don't dare touch my gundu

[HugoStrange]

42 minutes ago, reddyrao said:

bruh. i feel you. Am in same boat. chala sarlu face chesa. inka face chesthune unnanu. ghoram ga chesaru naa situation. entha sampadinchina naku 5 figure balance eppudu undadu. always aayana appulu chesinavi theerchukodame saripotundi.

Same situation unde. 3 years back varaku. Luckily 3 years back thegotta. Eppudu cheppakapothe inka nenu matladanu and also wont let them see my son ever (My wife was carrying at that time). This is the final lekapothe illu ammi kattukondi ani. Total 90L chepparu. Maa Anna and nenu kalisi oka 50L sardamu, oka 35L bank loan petti motham close chesam. Last month ee aa Bank loan kuda close chesa. Eppudu kuda Car refinance chesina oka 15K undi kattadani but closed everything else. Inka chesthe Naku sambandam ledu, illu ammukuni chesukondi ani cheppa.

 

Even as of today I did not see a 5 figures amount in my account, single income tho kastame inka

 

[praying]

45 minutes ago, Pandubabu said:

He spends a lot and he drinks and provides drinks to others. Nothing else other than that .

Yeah seen and heard a lot uncle, konthamandi ila inkontha mandi politics inkntha mandi pekata and inkotha mandi em chesaro kuda cheparu … it is a tough spot to be in

[hotlantian]

This looks like NRI intinti ramyanam story. They think they can do anything now and can’t answer any one. Even my dad drowned me in debts I had to take personal loans credit card balance transfers and sent money. He just gambles and lose money. So far he lost more than 70 lakhs. Can’t say anything to him at this age because he is my single parent and doesn’t know how he reacts if I’m act harsh. He gets 75k rents per month but I didnt get a single penny so far from those rents. He did not even gift a small ring to my kids for any occasion. 

[praying]

11 minutes ago, hotlantian said:

This looks like NRI intinti ramyanam story. They think they can do anything now and can’t answer any one. Even my dad drowned me in debts I had to take personal loans credit card balance transfers and sent money. He just gambles and lose money. So far he lost more than 70 lakhs. Can’t say anything to him at this age because he is my single parent and doesn’t know how he reacts if I’m act harsh. He gets 75k rents per month but I didnt get a single penny so far from those rents. He did not even gift a small ring to my kids for any occasion. 

I agree with your comments, and freaking hurts to hear your story