Father drowned in debt. I keep pulling him out and I am done.

[reddyrao]

2 minutes ago, praying said:

Wow  to hear that bro, nuvvu enduku sign chesav notes asalu? Are you forced to do that? How is your dad expecting you to clear all that ? Sorry to say but very irresponsible on his part to lend money borrowing from others

chanipoyina 2 days lo, maa inti mundu antha 30-40 mandi waiting. nannu kurchobetti settlement lu start chesaru. naku vallu evaru teliyadu. anni new faces. naa life antha hostel ye. so naku maa home neighbors kuda telvadu. so ee appulu ichhina batch antha soft ga panic create chesaru. nenu immediate ga situation better cheyalani, naa car, bike, pet dog, koncham gold ammesi temporary settlement and ling term settlement ki confidence ichhanu. later every month interest pay chesthunna. chesthune unnanu. never ending process ayindi le. maku money ivvalsinollu okkadu kuda teliyadu and nobody showed up. phones chesthe asalu lift cheyatledu. nenu usa lo untanu, vaallani direct ga velli confront cheyalenu ane confidence tho eggotesaru. no exaggerations.. naa gonthu kosi pakkana padesi happy ga ee lokam nundi vellipoyaru maa nanna.

[praying]

4 minutes ago, reddyrao said:

chanipoyina 2 days lo, maa inti mundu antha 30-40 mandi waiting. nannu kurchobetti settlement lu start chesaru. naku vallu evaru teliyadu. anni new faces. naa life antha hostel ye. so naku maa home neighbors kuda telvadu. so ee appulu ichhina batch antha soft ga panic create chesaru. nenu immediate ga situation better cheyalani, naa car, bike, pet dog, koncham gold ammesi temporary settlement and ling term settlement ki confidence ichhanu. later every month interest pay chesthunna. chesthune unnanu. never ending process ayindi le. maku money ivvalsinollu okkadu kuda teliyadu and nobody showed up. phones chesthe asalu lift cheyatledu. nenu usa lo untanu, vaallani direct ga velli confront cheyalenu ane confidence tho eggotesaru. no exaggerations.. naa gonthu kosi pakkana padesi happy ga ee lokam nundi vellipoyaru maa nanna.

unbelievevable bro, do they all have proofs that your dad took money? like notes and all

[reddyrao]

15 hours ago, praying said:

Chala mande unnatu unnaru e ship lo, i thought i was alone. Very interesting, some times mari antha money making machine laga kanapadutunnana anipistundhi but at the end sare le ani adjust aipotunna. I think i am on the edge of that threshold right now and might break at any point

exact same feelings. okkosari naa meeda naake chiraku asahyam vestundi. I'm just an ATM. nothing more than that for my parents.

[reddyrao]

10 hours ago, praying said:

unbelievevable bro, do they all have proofs that your dad took money? like notes and all

unnai. ichhinolla daggara anni signatures, stamps inka evevo proofs unnai.. but maa daggara ichh theeskunnolla details maatram levu or kaneesam valla address lu sariga theeskoledu. daridram entante, name, phone number, entha amount theeskunnaro untai. inka oka signature or promissory notes em levu. konni Notes unnai but they never responded.

[reddyrao]

19 hours ago, SaradaChinnodu said:

@Pandubabu bro...seen it done it and in repeat mode ...

First n foremost, chala mandi cheppinatlu friends side nunchi manage cheyatam, bad habits tagginchatam ivi anni neeku stress ni penche panule tappa....neekey deep down already telisi untadhi that he doesn't really change or mend his ways at this age ani.....nuvu thala kindaluka tapassu chesina you can't change him...

Second of all, most important thing is that you need to stop doing what you are doing because you are not helping him out but enabling him. ee Janma lo neeku full debt telisey avakasam ledu....so entha kastamaina if you dont stop supporting and let them face the consequences, you will end up sandwich between you parents and wife..(ipudu u dont have issues but its just a matter of time)

Hard step is the key bro....hope you dont become photo in a frame because eventually the stress will takes it toll and no one really cares including ur parents as long as they feel entitled.

P.S. Mana desi kids ki unna daridramiana feelings enti ante we can't see our parents face hard times as we have seen the sacrifices they did for our upbringing but somewhere this has to stop and it won't until you make it stop.

 

Hope, you feel better and things work out for you.

 

 

naa situation lo naku emaatram telisina koncham aina jagratha padevaadini.. he did this on purpose. naku telisthe nenu accept cheyanu ani silent ga aa bhajan batch ki eeyana guarantor ga undi appulu ippinchi nannu munchesaru. naa close friend gadi business lo invest chesanu. vaadu kuda absconding. okesari ivanni jarigai. evarini nammaleni situation lo paddanu. veetanniti valla ippudu naa daughter ni day care ki kuda pampichaleni worst situation lo unnanu. just evening ayyaka park la ki or strip malls ki theeskelthunna to make her feel better that she's also socialized little bit.

[praying]

19 minutes ago, reddyrao said:

unnai. theeskunnolla daggara anni signatures, stamps inka evevo proofs unnai.. ichhinolla daggara maatram kaneesam valla address lu sariga theeskoledu. daridram entante, name, phone number, entha theeskunnaro untai. inka oka signature or promissory notes em levu. konni Notes unnai but they never responded.

Bro i think legally you are not responsible parents debts, if the lenders have registered documents for properties they can possess them. I didn’t see why you still accepted to clear all that amount

[Bendapudi_english]

4 minutes ago, praying said:

Bro i think legally you are not responsible parents debts, if the lenders have registered documents for properties they can possess them. I didn’t see why you still accepted to clear all that amount

+1 , unless athanu kuda sign chesi unte. DB pedhale chepali mari 

[SaradaChinnodu]

18 hours ago, Gorantlamdhav said:

Find his sources and ask them why did they give? Also tell them to send you proof that they gave him. Also tell them that you will not pay any interest only capital only if they have proof and give in writing that they will never loan him again. Cut all his sources is the only way to stop

its first or second stage of hallucination bro////nothing is going to work....they will find ways to borrow and justify their actions...manodiki antha chesina extra panchayathi ey.....hands up chestey tappa ee situation lo em change undodhu 

--oka badhithudu with lots of exp saying

[reddyrao]

7 minutes ago, praying said:

Bro i think legally you are not responsible parents debts, if the lenders have registered documents for properties they can possess them. I didn’t see why you still accepted to clear all that amount

I may not be responsible 

India lo maa intlo but maa mother okkalle undali. Daily intiki vachhi godava chesi society lo paruvu antha theesi ghoram ga chestharu. 
Maa nanna siblings evaraithe regular ga monetary help theeskunnaro vaallu kuda evaru naatho undaledu. Just cremation varake unnaru and they left immediately. vaallu ala enduku vellipoyaro tarvatha telisindi. aayana sontha chelli family asalu evaru raaledu. tarvatha telisindi vaallu kuda maa nanna daggara Lakhs lo money theeskunnaru ani. enni sarlu call chesina lift cheyaledu.

[phatposts]

On 6/25/2023 at 12:08 PM, Pandubabu said:

I keep pulling him out of debt and he takes new debt. He earns more than a lakh per month. Absolutely zero commercial properties on his name. 10 lakhs worth agricultural properties from ancestors . He goes with some business and utterly fails.  I pulled him out atleast thrice so far with around 20-25  lakhs.

I told him not to involve in anything else  but does it anyway behind my back. He comes back when someone sits on his throat for repayment.

Now that I am married with kids , it is very difficult to keep sending these huge amounts both financially and relationship with wife wise..

My savings are under 50k and most of the savings are after my wife started working recently.  It is unfair to her to keep sending the money to India.

When asked him about how much he owes in total so that I can do final settlement ,  he does not respond with number and he just asks how much I can give him. 

I love my dad. He loves me so much . He loves me more than anyone else in this world, but this is becoming very difficult to handle.

Just venting..

This is definitely behavioral attitude. Nuvvu bail out chestunnav kabatti mee dad ala chestune untaru. 
To handle this, its a lot of emotional aspect than monetary aspect. 

Overall - indulo good things entante your dad earns 1 Lakh each month which is a healthy amount and more importantly nee wife so far very cooperative. 

Naaku telisina konni neethulu chepta - apply to your situation as much as possible. 

1. Konni days paisal pampadam slow cheyyi. Health emergencies leka pothe asalu pampaku. Unaccountable expense aithe keep asking Qs why/why/why - who are you giving to etc. If your dad doesnt give details dont send. Also call the recipient and ask. Tappemi ledu. If the recipient is bluffing come back to your dad and ask again. Vinataniki chikaku gaa untadi kaani, this drives accountability over time.

2. Baaga close relatives or confidantes unte casually express your issues in a high level manner and see if they open up. Dont ask them anything. This is a fail safe agenda anthe. Close people leka pothe skip this.

3. Either mee mom or dad ki indirect gaa neeku dabbulu saripovatledu ani daily reel veyyi. Job lo mestri paisal ivvatledu, rent perigindi, insurance perigindi, pillala school, hospitals etc. 

Ivi cheste kaasta puttalo paamu bayataki vache chances unnayi. Raaka povachu kooda. 

4. Nee wife tho neeku relation baagunte (baagunte maatrame) give her an idea of your finances - like what assets and debt you have without including your dad for now. Debt leka pothe kaasta dhairyam gaa untaru ladies. Eee matter anta malli penta avtundi anukunte vadileyyi.

5. Veelainanta quick gaa India vellu. Intlo vaallatho direct gaa in person matladu. Unless I know what this debt is about I am not going to help you ani crystal clear gaa cheppu. First lo cheddodivi avtav - endukante all these days you have been helping them feed their habits ego and money. Tappadu, kaani cheppu. 

6. Possible aithe chinna size panchayithi pettu - including your super close relative (mavayya, pedananna etc.). Nannu nammukuni wife kids parents unnaru. Ila teerustoo pothe repu nijamaina avasaram vachinappudu nenu emi cheyyalenu ani cheppu.

Ivanni kooda chala time taking, very hard  and emotional things. Ninnu saava dobbutaru, cheddodivi antaru, dupulu start avtayi. Nuvvu strong gaa undali. Cheppinanta easy kaadu adi. Nee weak points meeda kodtaru (intlo nunchi potha, memu sachipotam, nuvvu asalu kodukuvena, ninnu chadivincham etc.). As long as you are firm, affirtmative but not bad, briutal - take your stance super strong. This will become a You Vs Many battle. So its important to find people that will support you - be it be mom, sibling, relative, family friend etc. Dont bring in anyone from outside like your own friends - it will not be a good idea. 

This is a long battle. Balance is key. 

Vaallaki true needs unte definitely address them. But make it clear you wont be writing blank cheques to them like before. Those days are gone ane message pampu indirect gaa. 

Eee process nuvvu oka range lo naligipotav - so be sure to put yourself first too - whatever makes you happy - spend time with family, playing cricket, eating, drinking etc. 

Ilanti cases lo wife support chala important and these days very rare also. Seems like you have that. Bank on that but dont mess her mind up by sharing too much. 

 

 

[Sanjiv]

50 minutes ago, Bendapudi_english said:

+1 , unless athanu kuda sign chesi unte. DB pedhale chepali mari 

Peddala daka enduk?

https://www.google.com/search?q=child+responsible+for+parent+debt+india&oq=child+responsible+for+parent+debt+india

For harassment of mother by debtors, it may be possible to obtain a restraining order.

[krishnaaa]

1 hour ago, reddyrao said:

chanipoyina 2 days lo, maa inti mundu antha 30-40 mandi waiting. nannu kurchobetti settlement lu start chesaru. naku vallu evaru teliyadu. anni new faces. naa life antha hostel ye. so naku maa home neighbors kuda telvadu. so ee appulu ichhina batch antha soft ga panic create chesaru. nenu immediate ga situation better cheyalani, naa car, bike, pet dog, koncham gold ammesi temporary settlement and ling term settlement ki confidence ichhanu. later every month interest pay chesthunna. chesthune unnanu. never ending process ayindi le. maku money ivvalsinollu okkadu kuda teliyadu and nobody showed up. phones chesthe asalu lift cheyatledu. nenu usa lo untanu, vaallani direct ga velli confront cheyalenu ane confidence tho eggotesaru. no exaggerations.. naa gonthu kosi pakkana padesi happy ga ee lokam nundi vellipoyaru maa nanna.

Don't send any money.

Put cameras inside and outside your mom's place. Record everything. 

If anyone comes, call police iimmediately.Live your life peacefully.

Paruvu bongu anukuntu unte you won't survive. Concentrate on saving and investing. India lo money unte paruvu ekkadiki podhu. Money icchesi paruvu kavalante you will be at a loss.

[Android_Halwa]

1 hour ago, reddyrao said:

veetanniti valla ippudu naa daughter ni day care ki kuda pampichaleni worst situation lo unnanu. just evening ayyaka park la ki or strip malls ki theeskelthunna to make her feel better that she's also socialized little bit.

This is the same point that helped me gain control over my family finances and mess. My father inherited a good amount of land which is worth crores and also inherited a mess left over by the entire generation. He was a successful businessman who made good money but channeled it on wrong purposes and wrong people, eventually, oka point of time ki debts loki poindi vyharam and we were paying a lakh rupees interest per month and living on credit cards for every day needs.

Previous generation dad kada, Evani ayya ki vinaru...mondi batch. It took two years to convince my father to graciously retire and step aside as it is time for the next generation to take over the good stuff and bad stuff of inheritance. Initially, he did not agree but okate cheppina, meeru create chestunna mess valla next generation effect avutundi, alochinchukondi ani seppa...took good old two years to get things under control and right now, from paying lakh a month interest to earning lakh a month in interests, no generational mess and whatever assets we lost, I'm fighting for them in court...My father still presides over everything as the head of the family but takes action only after asking the family. 

Paisa parmatma ani oorike analedu...anavasaramaina emotions ni addam petti paisal ni takuva chesthe, a paisal ae idchi kodtadi manalni...mana kastaniki falitham ie paisal, if we don't respect money, we don't deserve respect...first money and dani arvate edaina...

[reddyrao]

4 minutes ago, krishnaaa said:

Don't send any money.

Put cameras inside and outside your mom's place. Record everything. 

If anyone comes, call police iimmediately.Live your life peacefully.

Paruvu bongu anukuntu unte you won't survive. Concentrate on saving and investing. India lo money unte paruvu ekkadiki podhu. Money icchesi paruvu kavalante you will be at a loss.

ippudu sudden ga money pampichadam aapesthe, naku emi kaadu but maa inti mundu vaallu chese rachha antha intha undadu. police la ki call chesi, vallu vachhe lopala entha cheyalo antha chestharu. maa mother chala innocent. maa mother ki intlo voice anedi lekunda dumb ga chesaru maa nanna. mentally she's still in those clutches. so evaraina edaina annaru ante thattukoledu. naku ikkada single income and akkada appulu, interest lu.

[reddyrao]

7 minutes ago, Android_Halwa said:

This is the same point that helped me gain control over my family finances and mess. My father inherited a good amount of land which is worth crores and also inherited a mess left over by the entire generation. He was a successful businessman who made good money but channeled it on wrong purposes and wrong people, eventually, oka point of time ki debts loki poindi vyharam and we were paying a lakh rupees interest per month and living on credit cards for every day needs.

Previous generation dad kada, Evani ayya ki vinaru...mondi batch. It took two years to convince my father to graciously retire and step aside as it is time for the next generation to take over the good stuff and bad stuff of inheritance. Initially, he did not agree but okate cheppina, meeru create chestunna mess valla next generation effect avutundi, alochinchukondi ani seppa...took good old two years to get things under control and right now, from paying lakh a month interest to earning lakh a month in interests, no generational mess and whatever assets we lost, I'm fighting for them in court...My father still presides over everything as the head of the family but takes action only after asking the family. 

Paisa parmatma ani oorike analedu...anavasaramaina emotions ni addam petti paisal ni takuva chesthe, a paisal ae idchi kodtadi manalni...mana kastaniki falitham ie paisal, if we don't respect money, we don't deserve respect...first money and dani arvate edaina...

good for you  bro. you acted before it got worst. mine was not in my control anymore. dad passed away creating and leaving all the pain on me.