Parents - how to handle

[Ara_Tenkai]

1 hour ago, quest said:

chinnappatinundi amma ante chala istam, naaku papa puttakamundu varaku undoubtedly ammantene chala chala istam.. papa puttaka, iddaru first anelaa undi..
nanna ante gouravam tappa vipareetamaina istam yemi ledu...

Chala years america lo undi, recent ga India ki vachanu, parents pedda vallu avutunnaru, america lo forever undalenemo ani chala years nundi plan chesi final ga vachaanu

naa personal mentality avtali vallani artham chesukovatam, valla kosam nenu adjust avvatam ilaa untundi general ga... so, India ki vachinappudalla, amma nanna ista prakasaram naduchukune vaanni, yevaina suggestions unte cheppevanni, vallu kaadu koodadu ante vallista prakarame adjust ayyevaanni.

memu oka manchi town lo untaam, direct america to hyd kaakunda oka 1 year ayina intlo undamani parents annaru, nenu kooda manchi idea ani alaane untunnam.

ippudu andaram kalisi okechota untunnam kadaa, abhipraya bedhalu vastunnayi. nenu yedaina chepte innallu maa maata vinnadu, ippudu vinatledu ani basha padutunnaru.. nenu adjust avudaam ante jeevitaantam adjust avutooone undaalemo ani bayam, konni konni pillala (naa kids) matters lo adjust avvalekunna..

andarilaagane maa amma the best ani anukunna.. she is smart, very intelligent, family kosam yento sacrifice chesindi. kaani amma lo kooda swardham (naa kutumbam ye baagundaali), dabbulekkuva karchu pettakoodadu, kodali ni kooturilaa kaakundaa different ga choodatam (not raachi rampaalu pettadam) ilaantivi tattukolekunna

nanna age perigi, konchem chadastam vachi, chinna chinna paruvu poye panulu chestunnaru, avi ammaki kooda nachatledu.

amma naaku financial advise lu istundi, alaa kaadu amma, naaku telusu yem cheyyalo ante, badha padutundi.

iddariki health kooda anthanthamaatrame, memu intlo undatam tho inkaa burden yekkuvayyindi, panulu avi chesukolekundaa unnam andaram kalisi because of kids...

manaki sthomata undi full time driver and extended hours pani manishini pettukundaam ante antha dabbulu kallaku kanapatledaa ani malli koppadataaru..

pillala chaduvulu, birthday lu, memu vesukune battalu, nagalu anni vallaki nachinatle jaragali ani adamant ga untunnaru. at least memu yedaina cheppina, meekem telusu ani consider cheyyatleru..

oka flow lo kakundaa bits and pieces lo raastunnaduku sorry, naa thoughts vache daanni batti raastunna...

anadaram kalisi hyd lo undaam anna, maaku kudaradu, maaku ikkada pellillu, events, chaavulu untaay annaru.. amma kalla noppulatho yekkadiki velladu, kaani nanna kalla noppulu unna, annitiki vellalanukuntaadu.. sare konni years vallu oorlone untaam ani karaakhandigaa cheppesaaru

Next year hyd vellandi, pillalni baga chadivinchukondi annaru.. ee ooka year undamannaru so that society lo kodalu naalugu rojulu kooda lekundaa vellipoindi ani anukokundaa

pillalaki phone ivvoddu ante istaaru. pillalaki yevaina kathalu cheppandi ante chepparu.. yeppudu samajam, valla godava, vella godava, aa ilaa chinna chinna issues

nenu maa thata dagagrinundi yento manchi nerchukunna, naa pillalu kooda alaa undaali ani korukunna, kodaratledu

only complaints raasaanu, chala manchi vishayalu kooda unnay.. iddariki naa kids ante istam, kid ki yemaina ayite talladillipotaaaru.. kodalu athagaaritlo dieting cheyyatam impossible but maa vallu aa freedom icharu.. maa andari kante munde tintundi, tanu dieting kabatti, memu migilina rice tintaam. andarilo maa pillalu, manavadu, manavaraalu great ga undaali anukuntaaru... etc ilaa yenno good things.

final ga naa badha yentante... nenu anukunnadaanikante maa parents kooda andari parents laagane swardham, pisinaritanam, chadastam etc
prati kshnam nannu inkaa chinna pilladilaa choostoo, naa decisions ki value ivvakapovadam nachatledu, pillalaki tablets iche vishayam lo kooda naa mata negganivvatledu... nenu sasemiraa tablets veyyanu ante rojanta gonagatam.. etc

ee 1 year kallumoosukuni koorchotamaa, 2-3 months lo hyd shift avvatamaa ani oka alochana

inkaa pedda samasya yentane, raanu raanu ee behaviour ni yelaa handle cheyyatam..

---- meelo yevarina face chesi, vallanu hurt cheyyakunda yedaina solution alochinchi implement chesi unte, please cheppagalaru/

nee age entha bro??? andari intlo ramayaname kada idi... you just have to face it and keep in mind that these are very minor things in life...

[enigmatic]

pretty common. age vache koddi vallu maarali, it is your life you need to make your own decisions. adi vallu ardham chesukovali. 

 

[quest]

2 hours ago, FrustratedVuncle said:

Parents ni vaallaki nachinatlu undanivvu, but decisions nuvve teskovali. Tappo right oo I will take your suggestions but final decision is mine ani cheppu. I think your parents should understand and let your family decisions to be taken by you.

1 yr barinchi hyd vellipodam anukunna the core problem still remains kada, So tell your parents that my money, my family, my rules. 

agree but chala kastamemo anipistundi. yevaru badha padda choodaleni weakness naadi

[quest]

1 hour ago, JonSnowUSA said:

Evariki antha chanuvu ivodhu.. Even kids or parents or siblings.. Manam evi adagalo ave adagali..Bommarillu movie dialogue "na life kuda mire bratikestunnaru".. You will get strong if you take your decisions/risks by yourself. Freedom leni life waste bhayya. Manam happy ga vuntene mana health happy ga vuntadi. I respect everyone in my family and chinna chinna gifts kuda istunta and they feel so happy. Okapudu financial ga chala help chesa appudu leni happiness ippudu chinna chinna gifts isthe vastundi vallaki. Total ga expectations matters. Appudu chala expect chesaru so entha ichina antha happy ga vunde vallu kadu. Ippudu scene riverse.

I never let anyone involve in my personal decisions.. chala peaceful ga vuntadi. Nenu pelli ayina kothalo ilanti panulu chesa.. Andari over involvment tho bhadapaddanu.. Aa tharuvata antha set chesa. When I went India and I was overwhelmed with my family memebers love. Entha chesina mana limits lo manam vunte antha manchidi. I discuss finances someehat only with my wife but never ever with parents and siblings. I take care of my parents including medical. They are happy and I never involve parents or siblings in my finances. Vallanu bhaga chusukovadam kavali anthe kani manam emi chestunna ela finance manage chestunnam pedhavallaku cheppi stress ivatam. Thats our headache.

thanks bro, I will try to follow

[quest]

1 hour ago, Thokkalee said:

Parents aged avthunte baga chaadastham peruguddi.. it happens even for youngsters too.. you yourself might not be as liberal and easy going as you were when in your 20’s or even early 30’s… you become more and more rigid with the way you do things and your opinions.. 

try not to tell them everything.. do everything opposite to what they say.. after some time, they will stop suggesting as they fear that you do it the other way anyway.. now my parents don’t suggest me anything unless very important.. that worked for me.. 

but my mom is a very strong personality, antha veesy kaadu 

[Thokkalee]

Just now, quest said:

but my mom is a very strong personality, antha veesy kaadu 

You don’t have to fight.. just avoid that topic and stop discussing.. or change the topic.. if you do it few times, they will get used to it.. as parents get older, they have to be handled like kids.. 

[quest]

1 hour ago, SaradaChinnodu said:

bro...chala cheppali ani undhi but brief ga rasta ikkada.....

As a son, it seems you are doing everything you can from your post. Management anedhi kontha varaku ok kani life long ante kastam..

So respect your parents, spend time with them whenever you can and take care of their well being financially, emotionally and medically. Other than that set boundaries. They need to understand that they cannot interfere with everything in your life. If they dont understand it, you need to make them understand through a conversation. Tough but that's better for all of you. Emotional blackmail chesty  ani cheppi nuvvu chesedhi chesko....valle set avutharu oka point lo...its on them....

 

You need to prioritize your first over everyone else including your spouse, kids and parents. You take your decisions to your convenience. @FrustratedVuncle sootiga suthi lekunda paina baaga summarize chesadu...vinatiki harsh unna adhey reality....

detailed response ichinanduku thanks bro...
 

just now inko godava... pillaki health baaledu certain foods pettoddu ani amma cheppindi, wife vaddanna food ye pettindi.. pilla vomited, amma annam kooda tinakundaa nenu cheppina maatla vinatledu ani badha padutundi.. ee vishayam complete ga wife de tappu... adigite pilla tinanu anindi, option leka pettanu anindi... in this case, I trust amma more than wifey./. one fine day yetaina 10geddam annanta kopam vastundi

[quest]

1 hour ago, Android_Halwa said:

Jeevithaniki orpu sahanam important…

You have to live with it for considerable time…ie one year vunda leka potunna ante India ki velladam anedi wrong decision and you should plan to return. If you have decided to stay back in India what so ever, then try to understand situation around you and take a mature stand to respond to the situations around you. 
 

Elago one year parents tho vundam anukunav, treat it as last few months to stay with your parents and eventually move out. 

tough balance bro.. will try

[quest]

1 hour ago, Ara_Tenkai said:

nee age entha bro??? andari intlo ramayaname kada idi... you just have to face it and keep in mind that these are very minor things in life...

35
 

but those are major things for mom and wife.. anni vodili 10gi peace kosam yoga cheddam anukuni sadhguru inner engineering package konna

[quest]

6 minutes ago, Thokkalee said:

You don’t have to fight.. just avoid that topic and stop discussing.. or change the topic.. if you do it few times, they will get used to it.. as parents get older, they have to be handled like kids.. 

ok, will try

[FrustratedVuncle]

28 minutes ago, quest said:

agree but chala kastamemo anipistundi. yevaru badha padda choodaleni weakness naadi

Goda meda pillila atu itu telchukolenu anukunte you will be on goda only. 

Take a stance bro. you want freedom then let your parents know how you want things to be. Teliyanivi suggestion adugutha but final decision naku vadileyandi ani cheppu. Badha padataru ante your parents have wrong expectation of you honoring their decisions no matter what. 

Karra viragakudadhu, pamu savali ante kudardu. 

[quest]

1 minute ago, FrustratedVuncle said:

Goda meda pillila atu itu telchukolenu anukunte you will me on goda only. 

Take a stance bro. you want freedom then let your parents know how you want things to be. Teliyanivi suggestion adugutha but final decision naku vadileyandi ani cheppu. Badha padataru ante your parents have wrong expectation of you honoring their decisions no matter what. 

Karra viragakudadhu, pamu savali ante kudardu. 

got it bro.. I will have to take a stance..
same goes with wife..

[Android_Halwa]

11 minutes ago, quest said:

tough balance bro.. will try

Tough ledu padu ledu….just that you didn’t had a situation like this where you had to dealt with anthe…

Life is different in India and society demands a lot from you including your parents. Hard fact is that you cannot ignore any such stuff too. Slowly and steadily set things right, your wife’s co-operation is very important in such matters. 

[FrustratedVuncle]

8 minutes ago, quest said:

detailed response ichinanduku thanks bro...
 

just now inko godava... pillaki health baaledu certain foods pettoddu ani amma cheppindi, wife vaddanna food ye pettindi.. pilla vomited, amma annam kooda tinakundaa nenu cheppina maatla vinatledu ani badha padutundi.. ee vishayam complete ga wife de tappu... adigite pilla tinanu anindi, option leka pettanu anindi... in this case, I trust amma more than wifey./. one fine day yetaina 10geddam annanta kopam vastundi

Whats best for your daughter is your wife's decision to take. 9months mosi kanna talliki aa hakku untundi. Veelaithe wife ki ardam ayyela cheppi choodandi, your wife will also learn as things progress. 

Me amma alagatam lo ardam ledu. She has no rights on your daughter. 

Your parents needs to understand they only can suggest but can't force you to follow their suggestions. 

Nuvu control cheyalekapothe Hyd lo family pettaka atu itu rakapokalu tagginchu. 

[Galactus]

Indian parents never cut the cord bro, even if you are 50 they expect you to do everything as per their wish irrespective of whether that hurts your feelings or not, as they age it  becomes even more evident.

 You are being a good son by returning back to India and they are being unreasonable. 

 You have to cut the cord and live your life, your parents can’t expect to live your life too, they got theirs and are being greedy by living though you. Stop it.

 Also support your wife, as her situation may even be worse than you, she lost all her freedom and now have to bear sarcastic comments everyday on everything, if things go like this, Pelli petakulu avutundi due to overindulgence of parents, take care.